Sunday, January 16, 2011

stuck in dreamland

i'm losing grip on reality, i'm losing grip of my own mind. i'm beginning to lose. beginning to fall. here i am, finding myself trapped, trapped in dreamland; where nothing is real at all and it's all just in my head....

i dreamed about you again last night Pokey. it all felt so real once again, so real that i didn’t want to wake up, but if i didn’t i’d feel lost in it forever. the warmth of your body on mine and your heated smile. the way when you caressed your fingers along my skin and traced it delicately sent me tingling and the butterflies erupted from me inside. i spent the night in my dreamland, perched on your lap, head resting in the crook of your shoulder where it always perfectly fits, listening to the rhythm of your heart beat; my favorite melody to me.  i could’ve spent all day and night in this dreamland, but it’s not real. i need you right now Pokey, more than you’ll ever know, because for some reason when i actually see you, i can act strong, but deep down i’m not. it’s a mere fa├žade i put on for you, to make you think i’m better than that. in reality though, as soon as your out of my sights, i’m perfectly broken, shattered, and lost.  i wish you could just see how i am, when i’m not hiding what i’m actually feeling, i wish you could see how shattered i am right now and not the person i’m hiding to be…

i used to be a fighter,
where i fought for what i wanted,
but now i can only be a dreamer,
 trapped away here in dreamland,
where nothing is real at all.

the full story  

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