Wednesday, January 26, 2011

you took my soul away

I feel like nothing. I feel like I'm dying. The 26th of every month is always so special to me and today it just makes me feel even more dead inside. I can't do this anymore, I can't take anything anymore. I really feeling like I'm dying and it scares me because you aren't here to help me. You aren't here to save me if I stop breathing in my sleep, or comfort me with your hums, and funny looks, your warmth and your innocent smile, to stroke me hair, or nothing.

I feel like I'm dying and I'm scared....

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

the story of my life

i get stuck watching hannah montana alone in my room.
i feel miserable, alone, and tired.
and well instead of how normal girls get morning sickness, this girl right here gets night sickness.

go me!!

Identity Theft

Been a lot going on lately, would rather just post the link for any of you to catch up, so go to the link down below.....

Identity Theft Story

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

i just want to die.

i want all this fucking shit to end.
i want my head to stop exploding with the thoughts of you.
i want to forget i ever had a best friend; the guy who was there for me before we were even "together."
i want to forget the past 2+ years of my life.
i want everything gone.

i want to smash my head in, in hopes i'll get amnesia.
i want to forget you.
i want the thoughts of you to go away, 'cause even just these thoughts hurt me like fucking hell.

i want to know why you did what you did.
i want to know why you deliberately let them completely  
mind fuck me and emotionally fuck me over.
i want to know why you gave in to them.

i want to know why.
i want to forget you.
i want to know why.
i want to forget you.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

you saw the light in me that no one else could

...but without you, it's fading.

I’m going to follow this through even though I’m crying
 I’d even go to the world of darkness
I know you’ll be there to light my way until the end.
And with you I’ll run past the future 
Theres nothing in this world that can bring my spirits down just please believe me, 
My way, will help us learn to be one.
The two of us God bless.

 God knows that I will follow you if that is what you wanted
Take me into all your darkest shadows
And you’ll see that I’m even stronger than you could know
God knows that I am standing here and you could disappear
Slipping right over the edge of the future
If I had my way we’d be together forever
Eternally God bless…

fuck me, fuck you, i can't take this fucking shit anymore. 
my body is giving out on me.
my mental and emotional status are fucked because of them.
fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. 
i wish you could see what you've let them done.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

stuck in dreamland

i'm losing grip on reality, i'm losing grip of my own mind. i'm beginning to lose. beginning to fall. here i am, finding myself trapped, trapped in dreamland; where nothing is real at all and it's all just in my head....

i dreamed about you again last night Pokey. it all felt so real once again, so real that i didn’t want to wake up, but if i didn’t i’d feel lost in it forever. the warmth of your body on mine and your heated smile. the way when you caressed your fingers along my skin and traced it delicately sent me tingling and the butterflies erupted from me inside. i spent the night in my dreamland, perched on your lap, head resting in the crook of your shoulder where it always perfectly fits, listening to the rhythm of your heart beat; my favorite melody to me.  i could’ve spent all day and night in this dreamland, but it’s not real. i need you right now Pokey, more than you’ll ever know, because for some reason when i actually see you, i can act strong, but deep down i’m not. it’s a mere fa├žade i put on for you, to make you think i’m better than that. in reality though, as soon as your out of my sights, i’m perfectly broken, shattered, and lost.  i wish you could just see how i am, when i’m not hiding what i’m actually feeling, i wish you could see how shattered i am right now and not the person i’m hiding to be…

i used to be a fighter,
where i fought for what i wanted,
but now i can only be a dreamer,
 trapped away here in dreamland,
where nothing is real at all.

the full story  

Saturday, January 15, 2011

i still miss you babe...

i don't wanna close my eyes
it's been our song for over a year and a half. our song.
and it still means the world to me.
every word, every rhythm.
because everything about this song was us,
it was reality, it was true.

i still want to watch you smile in your sleep,
i still want to listen to your heart beat.
i still want everything.
i still want you.

91/365 far away and dreaming

haven't posted on here lately, i've been kind of dead.
so click the photo for some catch up on everything. :/

Saturday, January 8, 2011

87/365 empty; hallow

87/365 empty; hallow
Originally uploaded by Caitlyn Penke
the feeling of being empty, the feeling of being hallow.
how haunting it is...

[i’m at home]
i’m hungry, i’m bored, i’m tired, i’m anxious.
but most of all i’m lazy…
so fucking lazy to get off my sorry ass and get me some food, or pick up the broken pieces of my life and superglue them back together. not just glue them, but superglue them as to hold them there for time.
so god damn lazy, so god damn sorry.
what happened to me…

Tuesday, January 4, 2011